


Ways to Take Care of Your Human

by Themarigoldprincess



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: I was bored and this was born
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:44:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10619097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themarigoldprincess/pseuds/Themarigoldprincess
Summary: A guide.





	

1) Humans will cry. Do not glitch out, or they will begin crying and laughing stimultaneously and it is most terrifying. I suggest hiding behind a barrier and throwing chocolate at them. This appears to work.

2) Humans need to bathe or otherwise their stench will get rather foul. Do not wash them yourself. Either you will be seen as perverted, or your human may have a heart attack.

3) Humans have what they call "pets". These are usually small organic creatures, however I have read that they may also use "rocks". But no, your interior is not infested unless they specifically say so or bug bomb you. Also, bug bombs are not actually bombs

4) Humans get either embarrassed or annoyed if you ask their gender, or use your pronouns incorrectly. If it looks like it should be a male yet has lipstick and a dress on, don't ask.

5) Humans are very messy by nature and will spill something on you at some point in time. You must be willing to accept this fact or stop socializing with your human.

6) Different humans like different things. Some may find things acceptable that others do not. Such as things like sneezing in public. Apparently it is very rude in some cultures.

7) Humans enjoy celebrating. All. The. Fragging. Time. For no apparent reason. (I still do not see how giving someone a vital organ is appealing for what they call "Valentine's Day".)

8) Some humans have sensory processing issues. You must be careful about these and make sure to take special care of your human to make sure that they are not too stressed.

9) If your human says they are depressed, I suggest filling your subspaces with small plastic balls and giving them all to your human at one time. It is actually quite entertaining for both parties, and cleaning them up is actually quite fun as well.

10) Your human may experience extreme mood swings. Do not ask if they are on their menstruation cycle. Males will be offended and females will refuse to talk to you for days... Or possibly longer.

Anyways, this is my list, hopefully you will be better prepared for taking care of your human than I was...


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